i went hiking yesterday with jake and talked about my doubts. it is amazing how when i am not trusting God, everything else just goes to pieces. i can't handle even the smallest stress when my heart is not resting in His goodness. so i practically ran up the mountain and talked about fears i didn't even know were haunting me, and then we got to the top and watched the waterfall from a precarious position and felt a little weak in the knees from being up so high above the rest of the world.
and then last night i was praying, asking God to make me better, to make me fruitful, and i felt more than i heard Him ask, are you ready? and it terrified me and gave me the deepest joy all at the same time.
His plans for us are always so much more than we ever expect.