Saturday, July 18, 2009

the sisterhood.

Oh man. Where to even begin on this bachelorette party.

Phase 1
First of all, we spend the entire rehearsal talking. I don't know if we ever stopped talking. The wedding planner probably hated us. Kelsey and I argued seriously over how common it is for the groomsmen to walk down the aisle with the bridesmaids. We had to agree to disagree after about twenty minutes of discussion. I might have missed a direction or two. But how hard can it really be? We just walk down the aisle, right?

Still dressed nicely from the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, we set out with the bride-to-be in tow and blindfolded her in the car. Except all three of us forgot to bring something to use as a blindfold, so we had to use my leggings. Fujii expressed some distaste at having to place her face directly in the crotch of the leggings. We told her to toughen up.

We chose to drive the longest way possible out into Happy Valley, mostly because Tiff got nominated to drive for the night, and in retrospect this was maybe not the wisest choice, because, and I mean this in the most loving way possible, she never knows where she is going. TomTom is her best friend. While on the way to the restaurant, we seriously considered stopping at our church and asking if we could use the bounce houses along with all the VBS kids, but we decided against it after picturing ourselves jumping up and down in dresses with young elementary school children. Very tempting, though.

Dinner looked mostly like this: all four of us, sitting silently, working intensely on the word search puzzle in the children's menu. An old friend from church was working and came out to say hi. "Why are you guys all coloring?" she asked. "It's Fujii's bachelorette party," I offered in explanation, before circling the word "mule" with satisfaction. It was a gold rush themed word search. Mmmm.

After dominating the word search, and a brief stint with a maze, we ordered and ate two extremely large desserts. It was fascinating how they mixed in our stomachs with the earlier dinner at Chang's Mongolian Grill. "If I wanted to, I could throw up right now," remarked Tiffany.

Phase 2:
The leggings blindfold went back on, and we drove to the carefully selected location of Ultra Zone Laser Tag and Game Arcade for Friday Frenzy. Before entering, we presented Fujii with our team uniform of the most hardcore camo shirts from the little boy's section that we could find. They came equipped with binoculars, a watch that flashed nonsense numbers up at us, and a compass that always pointed toward you no matter where you were standing. We changed in the car because we wanted a challenge. Two police cars drove by us during the changing process.

We entered the arcade, where we quickly determined that not only were we pretty much the only females present, we were also definitely the oldest people there. I don't know if there is any way to fully capture this experience other than to give you a few snapshots.

The first game that we played, the four of us were trapped in a corner, shooting desperately for our lives and being absolutely dominated by these junior high boys. We didn't just lose. We were basically holding signs that said, "Hey, look, I don't really know what I'm doing, so why don't you go ahead and make a million points off shooting me because I barely know how to hold my gun."

We redeemed ourselves quite a bit during the next few games. No more cowering. However, our team lost every time we played. Whatever.

Also, during the course of the night, I have to say that I have never been hit on so much in my entire life. Combined. Some of the popular lines:
"Oh, heeeeey laaaaaaadies. How's it gooooooooing?"
"You guys any good at DDR?"
"Are you all wearing camo so we can't see you?"
(After destroying some of the hormone-driven fools in the laser arena) "Ooooh, feisty, are we?"
And my personal favorite, "I'm sorry, but I've just got to know your name," to which I replied, "Dude, we are too old for you."

However, the crowning glory on that night was the moment when this little guy walked directly up to us while we were taking a picture of Kelsey and Fujii being tough with some of the fake arcade guns, coughed loudly, avoided eye contact, and whispered "Um, I'm going to play this game now." By some miracle, and the good Lord having a sense of humor, the moment was captured forever in film:

We laughed. We sweated. We thanked the Lord for being finished with junior high, puberty, and boys who have no flirting skills whatsoever.

Phase 3:
I can say nothing about this.

Random factoid: Did you know Christian doctors have written books about sex?

It was a beautiful night. Right Fujii?

Here's to the sisterhood. May we find pants that fit us all.

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