Saturday, August 1, 2009

nobody said

it was easy.

some highlights from my life lately:
1. strapping a giant intertube to the top of my not-so-giant car to take to the river with my best friend, only to spend the next few hours sitting in the river talking about life while the cool water ran between our toes and the tube rocked uselessly nearby.

2. hearing the boys i babysit for on wednesdays shout joyfully upon my arrival, "fred! FRED!"

3. having mornings when i wake up sans alarm clock and do little else but eat a leisurely breakfast and inhale all reading materials within a ten-foot radius.

4. realizing i am getting better at understanding children and how they work. i used to watch my mom when i was a little girl and i just knew that she was better, that she was the experienced one and i was this kind of awkward but certainly responsible little girl who wanted to seem that effortless. hmmm. story of my life? anyway, as i slowly learn to understand the nuances and strengths and weaknesses of children, i am coming to appreciate the metaphor of God as my Father more and more. perhaps more on this another time.

5. having one last hurrah with my newly wed and dearly loved fujii and our friends, during which i was allowed to play narrator for two very intense and very long rounds of mafia with 15+ people. and also that the sisterhood finally, finally has pants, and an excuse to write letters to one another, and to keep our connection even as our paths through life begin to twist off in very different directions. they all cried, but i didn't, and although sometimes i worry that this is because i have trained myself too well, mostly i choose to look it as a sign that i am learning to worry less and laugh more often.

i am not really closing or opening any new chapters in my life right now, and it is interesting how our stories all overlap, and how chapters are ending and beginning all around me, and i don't even know how to take it all in. most of the time i feel as though it isn't quite real. maybe this is why i can't usually cry.

at least not in front of anyone.

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