yesterday my heart was heavy, so heavy, and everything felt listless and still and dark.
and it is so much lighter today, and i think this is because God speaks my love language, that He delights in showing me how well He knows me, and in that intimate knowing, how much He loves me. and so i had brunch with my dad and the newspaper this morning, and i can hardly think of a more perfect morning, and i read beautiful frederick buechner essays, and i made plans to spend time with the people that i love, and i took my dad to the church i've been going to this summer and he liked it. and at church i felt my heart unfolding even more from its clenched, anxious state.
but most of all, whenever i have anxious days and i wallow a bit before things are set right, what makes things right in my heart is remembering that i was made for Him. that i was made to know Him, to bring Him glory, to make Him famous.
i want to follow hard after Jesus. maybe it sounds cheesy, but all i have is this one life. and i am like the flowers of the field. so i want to do something with my life that is meaningful and eternal before i evaporate like the morning mist on the grass. and i want to give my life away, because if i try to keep it safe and preserve it behind a glass box, i'll only lose it. i need reminders of this all the time, and i feel as though my entire walk with God is this mini cycle on repeat, of losing my focus and then regaining it.
thank God He is so patient with fickle me.