sometimes i just don't know what's up with me. i look inside of myself and can't quite put my finger on what is going on, and i don't know if this bothers me simply because i like to be self-aware, constantly examining my insides and testing my feelings and verbally processing via the omnipresent one-on-one of spu. and so to feel some unrest inside of me and not be able to journal it all away is unsettling. it feels like there is a wilderness inside of me.
and yet i find some comfort in the presence of the One who knows me better than i know myself, who knows what's up with me, knows my heart and its wickedness, and also its purity and longing for good and justice and truth. and i wonder if a little humility does me some good, a reminder that despite my journaling and attempts at having some sort of mastery of theology and conflict management and even some pop psychology sprinkled on top, i don't have everything figured out, including--especially--myself.