i come to God with fears in my heart, fear seeping through cracks and erupting in little spasms and leaking out as tears. i'm afraid. where is my direction? what pathway shall i choose? why do You make me wait to hear Your voice, o God?
i have a timetable.
i have an agenda.
God thwarts them both. lovingly. severely.
and then He says,"I want to be enough for you."
simple. He offers Himself. change comes, yes, but it is not the most important outcome. God is relational. He waits for us to return, but we simply want results. we want a long-distance grandparents relationship: send the goods, Lord, and if you must put it in a cheesy card, so be it, just as long as i don't have to invest any time or emotional energy into this thing. enable me, but don't require anything from me.
leave it to me to confuse religion and relationship yet again. thwart me, God, as many times as it takes, until i run to You and stop asking for presents from the sky.