but let me just say that sometimes religion would be easier. wouldn't it be nice if being saved, if being a good person, if making a positive difference in the world, could be achieved simply by adding a few tasks to the daily to-do list? wouldn't it be nice if it could be achieved through a program, through five to ten easily identifiable steps? do this and be saved. do that and become a good person. that's all that it takes!
but it doesn't work that way.
God says He wants relationship with me, with you, and even though that is good news, it's hard work. it's staggeringly difficult, it's overwhelming. relationships are messy and they require time and active listening and sacrifice. relationships require transformation. they require you to enter in fully and be vulnerable and even intimate. and sometimes i don't want to. i want to find a rock to hide under until the storm subsides. i want to run away and not enter into the full commitment that being in relationship demands of me, of my heart, of my spirit.
i remember triumphantly announcing that phrase in high school, when i was out to save the world: "relationship, not religion!" and now i eat my words and i learn what they taste like. i learn what it means to live them and not just use them as a clever bumper sticker in a theological debate.
God, don't let me go.