i've been in crunch mode the last few days. finals week and flying to boise and starting work all seem to do that to a person. i can't stop making lists.
but i just wanted to share something, ever so briefly. i've been re-reading velvet elvis by rob bell, and one thing that he talks about is being a slave to expectations. we internalize all these little messages over the years of how we think we're supposed to talk and think and laugh and dress and work. and we end up being a slave to those unspoken expectations. they drive us to do things and unless we uncover them, they'll rule our lives.
rob said his phantom was called "superpastor." superpastor is always available to talk and he visits the hospital when anyone is sick and knows every person's name and spends hours studying the Bible and praying but manages to be the ultimate family man as an example to his congregation. etc. you get the idea. it sounds silly when it's spelled out on the page like this, because of course that is unrealistic--no man can be all those things at once and remain sane. but the underlying expectations driving this behavior are very real. we feel so much pressure to be a certain way, and we experience a lot of shame and guilt when we feel ourselves falling short of these unspoken standards.
these things drive me and explain a lot of my behavior and a lot of my feelings of not being "enough." and i'm beginning to ask God how we can root those things out. because my job, as rob explains, is the relentless pursuit of who God made me to be. not to fulfill anyone else's expectations, including my own. i want to be who i was intended to be, and i want to feel free of shame, of not feeling good enough, which happens when i fall short of these unrealistic "super" standards haunting me in my head. i want to experience the freedom that living into your identity in Christ brings.
what are your supers?