today was a long careful day. do you know what i mean by that? i didn't feel like i could let my hair down and have fun. i felt like my hair was pulled back severely in a tight, disapproving bun, and i was trying very hard to do everything right and please everyone. especially my landlord, who is not pleased with my housemates and i right now. but those details are not important. the important thing is, all day i felt like i was holding my breath, like i was tip-toeing around trying not to wake the grumpy baby.
and then i saw chris' face at 5, as we set off for ugm for our tuesday volunteer nights, and the parts inside of me that were trying to hold so tightly together just fell apart. and not fell apart in a bad, anxiety attack way. "fell apart" as in, a breath of fresh air swept through my tired, careful old heart: i took deep breaths. i smiled a little. i made the ugm staff laugh. i remembered life doesn't have to be about being overly cautious and trying not to offend everyone every second of the day.
he is very good for me.