Monday, August 9, 2010

anca.

tonight a beautiful girl with a romanian accent reminded me that "i trust in the Lord" can be answer enough. it seems that i have had a long season of wrestling with difficult questions since coming to college--questions of hell and judgment, questions of what happens after we die, questions of the possibility that we might be able to choose God even after we die--and simply never knowing. scripture actually says much less on the afterlife than you'd think it does, when so many Christian churches spend the majority of their sermons talking about it.

and tonight i remembered that it is actually not a cop out to say, "i don't know what happens, but i still choose to trust in the exceeding goodness and justice and mercy of my God. and whatever good i may want for that person, it pales in comparison to the love God has for him or her. so i can trust his soul or her soul in the hands of God."

it feels good to leave the afterlife to God: the only One who is wise and just and loving enough to be in charge of it, after all. that is not my job. i am not the Judge of the world, nor its Savior.

i would like to trust in the goodness of God enough to relinquish these questions to Him after wrestling with them for quite a while. and yes, i may choose to pick them back up again sometime soon. but i think God knows this about us and is not angry at all. He understands that surrender must happen over and over, and the things we give up to Him we often take back again, relapsing into fear or doubt or bitterness. and yet He is so very patient with us.

so for tonight, it is enough to say that i have remembered the joy and simplicity of trusting Him once again--even if it will be hard to remember again tomorrow.

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