tomorrow i ride a train back to seattle.
i can already tell that this year i am going to have to take time to monitor the condition of my soul regarding the future, because i get all intense and anxious and forget everything i ever heard about God having a plan for you. for me. i'm beginning to fill out applications for opportunities and instead of feeling excited i feel stressed. this is a bad sign for the rest of the year. i'm not sure quite how to fix it because this seems to be something broken very deep in my soul. always wanting to control. always worrying. always forgetting God's goodness. i could tell you all the right words to say about the future but it doesn't feel true in my spirit yet. perhaps this is a symptom of growing up in the church. i have a terrific foundation but sometimes things aren't as personal as they should be.
Jesus, whatever it takes for me to know You, whatever it takes for me to follow You, whatever it takes for me to love You more than I love anything else--let it be done. the world is so tempting and its logic seems so--logical. but i believe that the way that looks weak and foolish now is the way that triumphs in the end.