Wednesday, December 22, 2010


i feel as though too many Christians i see just want to live the American Dream.  capital letters.  they want to fulfill all the dreams they've been told are desirable by culture and by the mass media.  they want to be happy and comfortable.  they want church to fit into their happy lifestyle and they want to be comfortable.

ah, this is the word that is haunting me.  comfort.  i think this is the biggest obstacle between me and total surrender.  i want to be comfortable.  i like to sleep in a dark room with a fan on for white noise in the background.  i like having a gym to go to 3-4 times a week.  i like having hot showers and a razor to shave my legs.  i like shopping from grocery stores that carry the kinds of products i like to eat and use.

have i given up comfort to follow Jesus?  slightly.  i am trying to restrict my shopping choices to companies that are socially responsible because i believe it is worth it to pay a little more to support a just cause.  because i believe the comfort and convenience of buying what i want for the cheapest price possible may benefit me only at the expense of others' lives.  because i believe that it is wrong for me to continue to spend my money in the same ways now that i know better.  "now that i have seen/i am responsible."

but ah my friends, this is only one small piece.  shopping choices, yes.  this is something to give up.  but there is so much more.  my mind is attracted to the idea of total surrender to God--whatever it takes, Lord, use me to make Your name famous--but my will is weak.  my will protests.  i want comfort.  i am afraid to give it up.  and yet i am sick when i think of all the people who call themselves Christians but ask Jesus to follow them instead of the other way around.  i am sick when i think of it because often this is me.  i want Jesus to be a good luck charm instead of the leader.  i want what i want and i don't want to have to give that up.

but i keep coming back to this quote from Tozer:  "Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed."

life is not about the American Dream.  i know my own life doesn't look that different than many Americans'.  i know.  but i hope that as my heart transforms--as my will is molded into His--it will begin to look different.  and i will be able to let go of things i once felt were so important.

Jesus.  Open our eyes.  Help us to see the world the way You see it.  Help us to think the way You think.  Help us to value the things You value.  We have been tricked by the world into believing that clothes and houses and money are important.  Show us the path back to truth and life and freedom from these lies.  Your road is narrow, but Your burden is light.


  1. Babe, I cannot express how happy this makes me to hear! You are so capable! You are so loving! You are so willing to sacrifice and give for the sake of the Kingdom! Your heart shall not be swallowed be the desires of this world, I promise you! He will not allow it!

    The Spirit has captured you and you shant escape Him.

  2. Girl, let it be so.
    I'm going to read this blog post more than once.
    I just finished Time Traveler's Wife, and in my mind these are striking a deeply related chord.