|tay makes a guest appearance.|
tomorrow, chris and i will sign the papers and get the keys for our new little apartment on the west side of queen anne hill. we are excited for a balcony, green trees, and a dishwasher. chris will move the few things belonging to him into our space, then head out for the night for his bachelor celebrations at an anacortes cabin up north. i am planning to putter around the space and arrange some of the kitchen gifts we received at a shower last month. i might bring over a few things of my own, later, sit in the apartment, and think about making my life there, in this new space. i know wedding planning has been stressful because my body tells me so, with things like eyelids twitching and teeth grinding at night, and i can't say i will be sorry to check the entire "wedding project" off my list next month.
but, like many things in adulthood, it's not an either-or season, not so black-and-white, and i am enjoying this last month: living with friends, having my own room, using the word "fiancé" in everyday life. i am also deep-in-my-bones glad for every conversation and every moment making us a little more ready for this enormous commitment we're about to make; i don't want to rush that, not at all. one more month of this greyness, the "we're-getting-married-but-not-quite-yet" stage, and i will do my best to be faithful in all the little things, until we arrive, at last, to the big day.