Friday, March 29, 2013

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders.




today i gave my notice at work.  i've imagined the moment for so long, but it finally arrived.  it was a little surreal to actually say the words out loud to my bosses, and not be rehearsing it to myself in the mirror.  i wasn't nervous the way i expected to be.  i will be wrapping up the position at the end of april, and then...we shall see.  it's very unknown.

i am afraid to step away from the stability and familiarity of my job, but after dozens of conversations with loved ones and God and myself, i am feeling okay about just knowing what this one next step is (and not having a whole blueprint all laid out).  i have a few ideas knocking around in my brain about what will come next.  mostly i want to step away from this office, which has been so stifling and disappointing, and rest for a while.  i want to give myself some space to make discoveries.  i want to take some risks to allow God space to move.

i have no idea what i'm doing.  this is the sort of thing that i would understand if it happened in a novel, but it's hard to understand when i'm right in the thick of it.  it doesn't feel glamorous.  i don't know what this season will look like, what unexpected twists will occur.  i am thankful for the opportunity to actually take time to sort through things, no longer feeling trapped at work, but i'm also incredibly terrified.  it's hard to leave things so undefined.

"take me deeper / than my feet would ever wander."

blog title from this song.

2 comments:

  1. I am so proud of you. I know this is challenging to leave thing ambiguous and unsettled, but I pray you embrace the reality of ambiguity. Take time to rest, be creative, and love the freedom that comes with the unknown. I LOVE YOU.

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    1. Thank you for your prayers! I am hoping for all the things you list--rest, creativity, freedom--and maybe a chance to apply some of the thoughts that have been rattling around my head to REAL LIFE.

      sending love in the direction of spokane.

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