This is what I know: SHOULD never brings happiness.
I felt like I should be so happy because I was doing the things I thought I wanted to do...I didn’t let myself say I was tired and the math wasn’t working and I was losing my ability to love and taste and experience my life, because that felt like failure, like a stronger woman would have been able to manage it all.
And then all at once, staring up at the ceiling in Texas I realized that I didn’t care anymore about SHOULD. If someone else wanted to try to live this life, frankly, they were more than welcome to try. Because I didn’t want it anymore. I wanted a new way of living, and I didn’t care what I had to admit about myself to get it.
I’m not as strong as you thought? Fine.
I have limitations I’ve been trying to hide? Here they are.
I’m not impressive? Doesn’t bother me a bit.
You can have all those labels and accolades. Because they haven’t helped me one bit.
What I wanted was a way of living that felt more like living and less like drowning.
And saying it out loud to myself was the first and most important step."
-From the beloved Shauna Niequist